Christmas 2006 wish list

(entries in red have already been bought for me)

mp3 player and voice recorder
128 mb Sony memory stick duo
Nokia charger
Sony Ericsson P990i

Cyndi Lauper cd
Rick Astley cd
Wilson Phillips cd
Howl’s Moving Castle dvd
March of the Penguins dvd

plain black Banana Peel slippers – size 9
plain black foldable Fibrella umbrella
plain navy blue Happy Feet strap
*plain low cut pink/purple Chuck Taylors
*special edition Kermit the Frog Adidas sneakers

Bath & Body Works Sweet Pea body splash
Bath & Body Works Black Raspberry and Vanilla body splash
Body Shop Moonflower eau de toilette

Striped/Chewy Chips Ahoy
Quaker chocolate chip granola bars
oysters with cheese and garlic at Oyster Boy
taco salad at Chocolate Kiss
lunch/dinner at Old Spaghetti House
lunch/dinner at Tia Maria’s Cantina

3days/2nights vacation – Baguio/Puerto Galera/Batangas

boylet for the Christmas break (Dec. 21-Jan. 1):
chinito
between 5’6” – 5’10”
between 27-41 years old
lean/medium build
loves to eat
loves to travel
knows how to swim
knows how to commute
smart
funny
preferably from UP Diliman

(*i need to try them on muna. duh.)

on a particularly long sunday

it's been a long time since i posted anything. i don't seem to have much time for online stuff since the uaap season started in july. hay. anyhoo, i was hanging out yesterday sa campus (i know, it's where i work. but there's just something about all that green that relaxes me.) and well, i was able to write some stuff. 3 scenes, if you will. i'm not saying their good. i'm a littly rusty. i haven't written anything even remotely literary in the last five years. gawd. i don't even know if these scenes are part of a story or stories. i just wrote. and it cleared my head. i miss writing.

I.
He gently brushes back stray strands of hair from her face. She looks up at him with misty eyes.

"Don't." Every touch burns. She brushes back the same strands of hair, as if trying to erase some invisible trail his fingers left behind. She unties her hair and ties it back again, tightly. Hoping that it would hold so he wouldn't have to touch her again. But a slight breeze slowly manages to let a few strands loose. She lets it go. She'd remember to wear pins on hair next time.

Next time. Would there be a next time? Would she allow it? Yes, she would. And pain squeezes her heart once more. For how long? How long would she take all the insults, doubts, accusations? For how long would she forgive him his distrust, his constant reminder of her supposed past mistakes?

He always apologizes. He's certainly mastered the art of saying sorry. He is the connoisseur of apologies. And yet, he seems to be the leading expert on taking it all back.

It's a vicious cycle, that's what they all say. It surely is. She dabs at her eyes and looks at him again. Then leans forward to meet his kiss.

II.
Everytime she hears Nat King Cole crooning "When I Fall In Love," it's like she's running out of air. He had sung it for her, to her, before she slept. Every night for the last five years.

And now the damn geriatric cab driver puts a Nat King Cole tape on.

"I hope you don't mind, ma'am. I like to listen to it when i drive. Relaxes me. Not like all that noise they call music nowadays." He gives her a toothless gummy smile then sings along. Badly.

How long before she arrives at the office? She glances at her watch. 7:30. She still had 30 minutes. She won't be late.

She tries to focus on the trees along the avenue. But she can't seem to. She thinks of him and her chest tightens a little. She fights the urge to cry. Crying in front of strangers was not an option. Especially not in front of an old toothless cab driver who thinks he's Nat King Cole.

They pull up in front of a colonnaded building. She looks at the taxi meter and fishes for money from her purse. She hands him a hundred and tells him to keep the change.

"Thank you, ma'am. And my condolences. I noticed you wearing a black pin."

Her hand touches it, pinned on her left collar. She nods and gets out of the cab.

III.
It was a slap so loud, she turned her head. The couple next door were at it again. And this time, they didn't even wait to get inside their apartment. She looked down and fumbled for her keys, embarrassed that they would see her looking at them. She was sure they would notice.

When she was finally inside, she turned on her cd player. Coldplay was blaring through the speakers. Too soft, she thought, and put on her Ministry of Sound cd. Better.

She sat in front of her vanity and started removing her makeup. God, the amount of foundation she had to put on today! She touched the soft purplish flesh of her cheek and shrugged. It'll be gone in a few days anyway.

She turned up the volume and danced, trying to block the screams. In an hour or two, silence will come. She was sure of it. She smiled to herself as she swayed to music. She wondered what her own boyfriend would surprise her with tomorrow.

The last time, when she got out of the hospital with a broken rib, he took her to HongKong. Maybe a new watch, she thought, after all, it was only a bruise this time.

gawd, it's been more than a month

since i last posted. let's see. what has happened since then?

well, i got sick. was looking at my calendar and i noticed that i've been sick every month since september 2005. weird. you know, garden variety cough, colds, and a little fever now and then.

anyway, had myself checked. feared i had some sort of respiratory illness. had my lungs x-rayed. result: normal, clear, unremarkable. cool. tuloy ang ligaya. hahaha.

actually, i'm a little scared. i'm 26. i don't know where my life is headed. i'm absolutely aimless and it terrifies me. i don't really know what i want to do and sometimes i don't care. i've been told by so many people that i need to start making goals and taking steps to achieve them. but i can't think of anything.

WHAT THE HELL DO I FUCKING WANT? dammit.

this tamadita is tired

i've been to so many places in the last month and i'm finally feeling tired. so much has been going on and i've been so stressed. i've been going home at odd hours and i haven't been home at all during weekends. long story why.

anyhoo, since march i've been to:

pampanga (on a whim cos i didn't know where to go on a boring saturday night);

batangas (lucky break that jo was able to take me cos i didn't know where to go after a huge fight with someone, hassle: i had to go shopping for clothes);

puerto galera (this was planned with xkg but when she backed out, my mind was already set on going so i asked maryklamo and she said yes and even brought along friends and it was super fun);

baguio (to unwind, to visit friends at the UP national writers workshop, to attend the launch of Sonetos Postumos by Rio Alma with paintings by Ang Kiukok which is published by the UP Press); and

romblon (for holy week).

and now the tamadita is tired. i think i need to slow down a bit. there was just too much drinking and staying out late since 2006 started. hay...

misheard lyrics

para sa mga kasama ko sa sanktuario last week. my friend sent this to me a few months back.


nothing's gonna change my love for you
you know naman my love how much i love you
(nothing's gonna change my love for you)

i decided long ago
never to walk in edu manzano
(the greatest love of all)

people killing, people flying
children hurt and living, crying
(where is the love)

so kiss me and smaffle me
(leaving on a jet plane)

some people want tambourines
(if i ain't got you)

my only nest is killing me
(hit me baby one more time)

i get knocked down by an elephant
my momma's gonna bring me down
(tubthumping)

i-splash, a little crush
(crush)

viva californication
(californication)

a scrub is a guy who thinks he's fine
but is also known as a bus stop
(no scrubs)

baa baa black sheep
heavy on the road
(yes, pati nursery rhyme hindi ligtas)

ooooohhh...magdamag mong sasabihin
(wag na wag mong sasabihin)

oh god give me the reason
i'm down abandon me
(on bended knee)

it's on the night bowl
that we should be together
(back at one)

i am such a fool
i am such a fool
(unpretty)

mighty mouse outside chicago
(someday we'll know)

i don't wanna wanna be
like i did that day
(under the bridge)

kung may mahanap pa ko, post ko ulit.